


anomalies.

by Bounteous



Series: let me lie beneath myself. [4]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ash Lynx Needs A Hug, Ash-centric, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Recovery, Relapsing, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28541193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bounteous/pseuds/Bounteous
Summary: Recovery is not linear, and that's the most frustrating part
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Series: let me lie beneath myself. [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068368
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68





	anomalies.

**Author's Note:**

> 1:21.
> 
> i am cold  
> i am warmth  
> i am numb  
> i feel everything  
> i am all but nothing  
> i give love and i hate it
> 
> -'a beautiful composition of broken' by r.h. Sin

Aslan’s emotions are tumultuous—like the ocean. 

Storms can appear in an instant. Eiji, the poor sailor, is caught miles from shore. Aslan is imprisoned within the eye, unable to do anything but witness his other half brave the elements with a heartbreaking practice and ease. 

In the end, through the wind and rain comes his Japanese savior. Always.

It’s a series of events.

Aslan will cause a storm. Eiji will suffer through it. Eiji will comfort Aslan in the aftermath. Aslan will push him away. They won’t speak for hours. Aslan will return because Eiji respects boundaries too damn well. 

The guilt eats away at him, turns his bones to ice. The past is the past, but he desperately wishes to return to the way Ash used to be. 

Before Eiji arrived. 

Back when nobody knew him. 

Back when it was easier to pretend he wasn’t so mentally fucked up. 

Self-awareness had always existed, but he’d never had a reason to do anything about it until… Eiji.

And now look at him: comparing his outbursts, his ‘attacks’, to the fucking ocean. Aslan never liked poetry as much as Griffin did. 

Chopin ended one of her books with big ocean symbolism. Perhaps Aslan should invest in that. 

Perhaps he should also cease his increasingly morbid thinking. 

It irks him. Really fucking irks him that none of his thoughts as of late have been making any fucking sense. James Joyce would be really fucking impressed, probably. If only his thoughts didn’t magically disappear as soon as pen hits paper. His journal has been missing a few days’ entries, empty and untouched. 

Huh.

That kind of sounds like him. 

“Your head looks like it’s about to explode. Would you like to help me with supper? I bought ingredients to make American hamburgers!”

Eiji’s voice is a pocket of warmth in a freezing tundra.

And a great distraction. The smooth, fluent Japanese forces Aslan’s brain to work instead of drift. He’s getting better, and appreciating Eiji’s attempts to keep their conversations at a normal, steady pace. 

Quick as a whip, Aslan replies teasingly, “Oh, what’s the special occasion? You finally decide your nasty natto isn’t as tasty as you thought?”

He rights his glasses, leaning back in his chair smugly as if his first remark is enough to win.

“Careful or I might end up making it instead just to spite you.” 

Eiji smirks, and it’s so attractive on him that Aslan sometimes feels like combusting.

“You think I don’t make a good ol’ fashioned burger?”

“I don’t think you could figure out how to use this traditional Japanese kitchen when you couldn’t even make your way around the old ones.”

_ One point for Eiji, shit.  _

Their banter follows them into said kitchen where Aslan recognizes only a few key appliances. His intelligence only goes as far as his desire to learn. Eiji would never let him starve. 

Aslan never bothers to reiterate his earlier question and Eiji doesn’t reveal his intentions, however small or big they may be. Their time together is spent contentedly, chattering like an old married couple. Today is a day Aslan feels okay to drape his entire body, appendages and all, around Eiji. 

They eat in silence because Aslan despises small talk. Eiji has never minded. He no longer feels embarrassed, desperate to fill the deafening void with impertinent discussion. 

He loves the quiet when peace accompanies it. 

Peace always accompanies it when Eiji’s around.

That night Aslan wakes from a nightmare he can’t even remember and sprints to the toilet before his vomit splatters onto their carpet. He pukes once and dry-heaves for an undetermined amount of time.

Aslan blinding reaches for Eiji’s hovering hands, grasping one tight and bringing it to his hair. Eiji understands— _ I don’t fucking deserve him. _

He swipes the sweaty bangs from his forehead, repeating the motion as a soothing gesture. Another hand rubs circles into his back and catches him easily once his tired form slumps to the floor, overwhelmingly exhausted. 

“You are shaking, Aslan,” Eiji exclaims, trying and failing to keep the fear out of his voice.

It’s well-placed, so Aslan can’t be too annoyed. He hasn’t had a night like this in well over a month.

Anomaly number two: he isn’t quite sure what prompts him to explain, as vaguely as he does, his sporadic thoughts.

“I felt nothing and now I feel everything. I don’t—I can’t—my therapist told me to find something to ground myself in moments like these.”

Eiji wraps himself like a koala around Aslan, or a cocoon meant for protection.

“I will be your ground,” Eiji states heroically, determinedly. 

The absurdity of the words forces a shaky breath of laughter to burst forth from Aslan’s lungs.

“That’s not—” he starts, but pauses and starts differently, “Thank you, Eiji.”

Eiji gives his love unconditionally and Aslan takes and takes and takes. Eiji claims Aslan gives his love back, but Aslan is firm in his belief he’s accidentally lied to him this entire time. That his actions, his selfishness, has made Eiji think, wrongly, that Aslan no longer wishes for him to run away. 

Anomalies like this solidify Aslan’s beliefs.

**Author's Note:**

> Support my ko-fi if you enjoyed my writing! https://ko-fi.com/bounteous


End file.
